Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
