just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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