My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
