trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
