can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
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You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
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Can you bring me the toilet please
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize