Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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