went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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