my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
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...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
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so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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