Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
