I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
