Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
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I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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