I could make wine with my vomit
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
