i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
