I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
