The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Two words: blizzard sex
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
