my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
