Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
