do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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