it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
