Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Randomize
