im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
