i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
