Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Just high enough for therapy.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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