It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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