I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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