I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
