Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
