girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
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That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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