Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
