Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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