chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
