U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize