onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
This is classic penis vs brain.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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