As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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