i jhust puked up my retainher.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
There are leaves in my underwear?
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