my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
do nipples grow back?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
