The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Floor bacon is actually really good
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
