We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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