The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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