Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
