i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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