i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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