so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Randomize
