Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
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I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
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i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.