She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
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She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.