ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.