this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
fuck your aforementioned shoe
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
