So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
