somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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