So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I deserve to be covered in dicks
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times