My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis