I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention