Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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