Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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