My brain says no but my pants say off.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
