So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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