you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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