I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
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Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize