...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
