Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
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Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
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also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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