if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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