I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
