i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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