Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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