Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
