Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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